Trauma Unit

Like a recovering amnesiac
I get vivid flashbacks:

Triggers
Like a shot to the head

I feel:

Like a survivor
In a burn unit
That much more hesitant
To light fires

Healing

Now that the bleeding has eased

And the knives have been sheathed

We may heal

You and me

Us

We made poetry

Some people make love
Some people make do
But you and me
We made poetry

I give you my heart

Bleeding

Beating

Bloody and bruised

would you love me tomorrow?

if i wasn’t exactly what you thought of me

or what you thought I’d be

would you still love me?

Mindfield

Proceeding slowly
To defuse this minefield
Of pain
Confusion
And hurt

Swallowing the blasts whole
To save some unwitting
Soul
Some innocent
Passerby

Paying close attention
To the things I control
My actions
My reactions
My words

Making sure not to cut
Not to slash
Not to lash out

Being mindful
That I still care
And to rip you
Would tear me
Apart

But it still hurts
The pain is still fresh
The ache is still deep

…So I lay these minefields again
Defenses
Against the next onslaught
So it can be you now
Who tiptoes on eggshells
Who treads softly
And lightly
Wondering and hoping
You did nothing wrong

I raise these fences
“Protecting”
My heart
From you
While imprisoning
My soul

…I hate what hate does

Again I proceed slowly
To defuse this minefield
Taking tiny steps
While building this gate
Going crazy from this battle posturing

All is not fair
In this war.

Proliferation
and disarmament
A psychotic ebb and flow
Of emotion
Irrational in every way.

Hurt only begets more hurt
Unless someone breaks the cycle.

There’s always going to be pain.

I must do my part
To minimize the damage.

(c) 2009 L. Ashwood